Twitter Gets Personal: #whyistayed

2943541121_20b10e08caRay Rice, Janay Palmer, and the media have gotten into a relationship with each other that in and of itself is abusive. The mothership of social media has taken a spotlight and accusing eye to all of us. Nothing is nobody’s business anymore. So when a video came to light showing Ray Rice abusing his then fiance, now wife Janay Palmer, the torches were lit, the pitch forks were sharpened and media pointed them in the direction of where to burn their lives to the ground. Rice was fired from football and any hope of ever working in the NFL ever again and Palmer is enduring daily, non-stop public embarrassment for a private matter being shown on every media outlet over and over again. So why was it important that we see that video? Why should such a private matter be all over the media? Well if you ask the media, they will tell you for the greater good, but we all know it was for ratings and hype. At the end of the day what it really means is that a historically private, hidden, after school special, Lifetime movie topic needed to evolve from that cheese camp take on it and shown for what it really is. We’ve all seen those photo’s in our Facebook threads that show you beaten women. We’ve also read the comments that say, “oh they must be fake.” It makes it easier to digest and sleep at night. What it really is doing is giving abuser permission to continue their behavior. They are in no way happy about their behavior either. They are in desperate need of therapy and to be brought back under control of themselves. The abuser is an out of control individual with so many psychological issues battling inside their heads that they have no other place to put it but into their fists and to take it out on someone they perceive lesser than them. Remember, abusers aren’t always women. Abuser’s aren’t just angry for right now and it will pass. Remember abusers come in any color, race, creed, religion, history, economic status, age, and lifestyle. Which is why something wonderful came out of Janay Palmer’s abuse that even she probably didn’t see coming. People talking about why they stayed. Many have questioned why? After being abused and assumingly so more than just that day in the elevator, why would she stay with him and ultimately marry him? People who have been in her position answered with their own public confessions with the hashtag #whyistayed. Why I stayed became the most personal of all Twitter hashtags. Just why would someone stay after being abused, deciding they were okay, and continue to play the role of the punching bag? Read some of those and you too will realize, because we are all human. We all have made choices that to others seem insane. To the media an opportunity to get ratings and up their page counts on their websites. To those looking in, too much to bear. To the person choosing to stay however, it is simply just this.

Copied from Twitter:

Alyssa ‏@ArtofConfusion 2m
#WhyIStayed…everyone saw his angelic side & wouldn’t believe me. I thought it was a phase and our love was enough to change it. It wasn’t.

Colleen Dunlap ‏@ColleenDunlap20 2m
#WhyIStayed I was in denial that it was abuse. I thought that happened to others, not me. I was so ashamed. I became numb for awhile to cope

A GIRL NAMED JULIAN ‏@_oygevalt 5m
#WhyIStayed because I believed him when he said all the arguments were my fault, and when he said his intense sexual aggression was normal.

Tiffany Boyles ‏@EmpressAtreyu 5m
I thought it didn’t matter because I thought I was dumb and worthless and no one else could love me. Emotional abuse is abuse. #WhyIStayed

dreamer ♡ ‏@dreamerr1503 7m
#WhyIStayed ithought he would change,thought iwould be unhappy without him,thought i wasnt strong enough #WhyILeft for the bestfor my son&me

Dillon Black ‏@dillon_black 8m
#WhyIStayed because people who look like me, boyish & #queer can’t be #survivors or #victims of #violence .. We must be the #abuser #endvaw

Sharon Griego ‏@Sharon3104 10m
Not sure I’m in an abusive relationship. #WhyIStayed

Darth HotMess ‏@Jedi_Daddy Sep 8
#whyistayed she was the mother of our kids & i didnt want ours in a broken home like I grew up in. #dv is genderless pic.twitter.com/X1nDgltA7E

Ismat Sarah Mangla ‏@ismat Sep 8
#WhyIStayed Because I thought no one would ever want me again. Because he told me that.

The list goes on and on and on. Domestic Violence is described in the dictionary as: “(noun) violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. police, social services, and voluntary agencies are working together to tackle domestic violence.” Learn to recognize it in your life and in those that you love. Don’t just release a video to destroy the abuser. Find ways to open communication in your life with those that may be abusers or being abused. Many are afraid of being shut out if they start talking about it. That may happen. You may need to add that to the list of reasons police intervention is necessary. That may escalate your actions of safety for yourself. No matter what, silence is the worst. Being in a relationship that hurts and thinking no one notices or cares, your mind automatically tells the victim they are the problem. Then we end up with one more #whyistayed. Reach out and get help. Reach out and help. Reach out and get safety. There are hotlines and many online 24 hours a day to ask questions about situations, any situation. Don’t be a statistic, change your life or the life of those being hurt. Who knows what would have happened if someone did that for Janay Palmer and she married him anyway, but all public embarrassment aside, she knows now that what happened was not okay and she is cared about.

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Blythe Baird’s Slam Poem Dissects The Depressing Way Women Are Taught To Behave

This is spot on and friggin awesome!

Blythe Baird's Slam Poem Dissects The Depressing Way Women Are Taught To Behave.

Watch Beyoncé’s Entire Flawless VMA Performance

Beyonce shouldn’t have brought her daughter to see her perform. She is too young to be watching mommy grinding and smacking her ass. She is too young to understand the vague message written and spoken on a screen about being a feminist. As much as I am not a fan of Beyonce, I do applaud her for talking about being in charge in the bedroom, the give and take of being in a relationship and the changes we go through becoming a mother. I just wish she didn’t do it in front of her daughter.

Watch Beyoncé's Entire Flawless VMA Performance.

Objectification of Women

A student uses poetry to respond to the objectification of women in rap. This wonderful slam reminds us that words have meaning, weight, and power.

To read the comments under the video one would think, this means nothing. Nothing will change. So does that mean we should sit back and do nothing? Hell no! It means we need more voices like this to make our voices heard. Women are not equal to a table. We are not just objects to lay a glass upon. We are important and if we ever became unified on a mass level the world would fall to its knees and thank us. Until that day occurs, we must not be silent. We must speak.

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings “100 Days, 100 Nights” – YouTube

This woman and her band are on constant loop in my ear. Love them! She is an incredible singer and woman. The Dap Kings are a great band! Watch and find the rest of her catalog and listen. You won’t be disappointed.

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings "100 Days, 100 Nights" – YouTube.

Tori Amos covers Creep by Radiohead VIDEO.

The intensity of this cover is worth the listen, bookmark, revisit, tweet, retweet and whatever other attention can be paid to it.

Tori Amos covers Creep by Radiohead VIDEO..

Artificially Awake Coffee Break Moment

coffee-endingThere has been a lot of death in the news, seemingly most recently more than ever. Perception is a skewed, but it doesn’t lessen the anxiety it causes. Take time to listen to music on full blast. Watch your favorite movie as many times as you want, in your pajamas. Watch a new film, explore French films, classics, indie, Anime. Who cares? Just find life, grab it by its scrawny, little, worthless, until you put it to use neck and tell it – I WILL ENJOY YOU! 

The Many Faces of Depression

I explained to somebody once that its like constantly living under a cloudy overcast sky. You never really see the sunshine even though you know it exists and its just on the other side of those clouds. The hope that someday you may see it and feel its warmth is what keeps you going most days. Then there are those other days when you don’t give a flying fuck if its there or not because you’ve decided you aren’t worthy enough to experience it, that that sun is for everyone else and since you’re never going to see the sun why bother going on? You have to work extra hard and spend so much time dedicated to combatting that last part that for some people they simply get too tired to go on and just give in.

I have worked in the social services field helping children and adults with mental illness and developmental disabilities on all ends of spectrum since 1998. I have sat in on many therapy sessions, group therapies, psycho-social meetings, treatment team meetings, ISP meetings and so on. All of these individuals have at one point or another struggled with depression. I have seen some people at their darkest hour. I could relate to some of it. I went into the field by accident, but before I knew it I realized I was good at it.  I didn’t judge them for their the behaviors, their thoughts, their actions or their words. I listened. I tried find a way to relate to what they were saying. I tried to connect the dots in an almost seemingly chaotic portrait. When I realized I could connect those dots, create a picture and show it to them, healing could begin. 

Everybody, no matter how happy they are, seemingly most of the time has felt blue, down, low, out of sorts or just plain sad at some time or another. The difference between that and the 100’s of 1,000’s of people who suffer from Depression is that Depression tries to become its hosts sole mood. It takes the brain and covers it in a way that affects even the most seemingly happy moments. Weddings, births, graduations, first homes, first’s of all kinds are clouded by the depression. The joy is something far and detached from the reality of what is going on. Depression tries to own you and alters how you see life. For some this is too much to bear and they take their own lives. 

Suicide takes many lives not only because of the lack of funding, but even funding doesn’t change the reality for mental illness. Even the rich commit suicide. We all know that now. The problem is that the poor don’t have access to the care they need. Society doesn’t accept mental illness but instead shun it and hide it away. It is something ridiculed and belittled. People make fun of what they don’t understand and/or fear. Depression is just a term to many people that means you’re sad. That is the most simplistic definition of it. The bible of mental health describes depression as: 

“DSM-IV Criteria for Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
• Depressed mood or a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities for more than two weeks.
• Mood represents a change from the person’s baseline.
• Impaired function: social, occupational, educational.
• Specific symptoms, at least 5 of these 9, present nearly every day:
1. Depressed mood or irritable most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report
(e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful).
2. Decreased interest or pleasure in most activities, most of each day
3. Significant weight change (5%) or change in appetite
4. Change in sleep: Insomnia or hypersomnia
5. Change in activity: Psychomotor agitation or retardation
6. Fatigue or loss of energy
7. Guilt/worthlessness: Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
8. Concentration: diminished ability to think or concentrate, or more indecisiveness
9. Suicidality: Thoughts of death or suicide, or has suicide plan “

The link if you want it to read more is: http://www.psnpaloalto.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Depression-Diagnostic-Criteria-and-Severity-Rating.pdf

Find the local suicide hotline numbers. Post them. At work, at school, on your Facebook page, on your Twitter page. On anything you can think of. Know of anybody who may need just someone to talk to, give them your number. Not everyone feels comfortable doing this. Find resources for them and make them available. Be there. Be present. Let them know you are a phone call away. Just show them you care.  Why? Because if it were you, you would need the same. 

symptoms-of-depression-FC-infographic

 

Retired Bronx Taxi Driver Scores Big With $11.5-Million Lottery Win

Artificially Awake:

This is awesome! I hope he has family to give it to after he passes and he enjoys his time left on earth.

Originally posted on CBS New York:

NEW YORK(CBSNewYork) — An elderly Bronx man can now call himself a multi-millionaire.

On Monday, Leroy Beckford, 83, received an over-sized check with $11.5-million written on it, CBS 2’s Emily Smith reported.

Beckford, a retired taxi driver from the Bronx has hearing problems and cataracts, but what he doesn’t have is a care in the world now that he is the newest jackpot winner.

The lump sum payment brought Beckford’s bank account to a level beyond his wildest dreams.

Beckford bought the ticket and chose quick pick numbers at a Bronx 7 and 7 deli. He lives with his daughter in a nearby apartment.

“He might go off and do his own thing. He said he might get a wife,” Michelle Beckford said, “His all time wish is to have a Lexus.”

Beckford’s big win has inspired neighbors to try their luck as well, but the big winner barely cracked…

View original 65 more words

Be Inspired to Change The World

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You do have the power to change the world. Just don’t assume that you can do it all in one day or do it all by yourself. You do however have the power to affect one other person. If you can affect two or more, then you have my friend have done more than most. Be inspired by those that remind you that you can change the world.

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